Isn't it interesting how the URGENT from yesterday does not seem nearly as important today? Do you ever think you WANT something SO bad and then you get it and it is just more work than you realized and can even steal your joy some what? How about those feelings that you WANT something really bad and someone says NO and you find yourself seething in anger? ACK! I find myself there some times. I have to continually remind myself how blessed I am and that the things I some times WANT are not what I NEED nor are they always good for me. :) In fact, last night, I approached my husband about something that was on my heart in that "child like fear" knowing he would say no. I felt like my daughter and even jokingly said, "I know you are going to say NO before I even ask." Now mind you, we do not have the type of relationship that I have to ask permission to spend money, etc. But since we are "one" according to the LORD (Genesis 2:24), we discuss larger purchases... plus just as I would go to my best friend to talk about items, I go to him - after all, my husband IS my closest friend. :)
Anyways, I digress... I went to him last night and my husband said no, just as I thought he would and immediately I was angered. Sigh. He is travelling this week, so my conversation ended with him, because deep down, I knew my anger was in the wrong, but needed to step back and get over myself. I knew what I wanted was sheer selfishness and would not bring any good for any one in my family or otherwise but me - the only benefit it would be is to stoke my pride. I even confided in a friend, that I was angry and that it would take me the evening to cool down. I KNEW in my heart I was angry and WHY.
"In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to You & eagerly watch." Psalm 5:3
This month, I have been reading through the book of Acts. This morning as I was reading Acts 8:9-25, the LORD showed me again that the selfish desires of my heart were not necessarily what is good for everyone - only that my desires were for selfish gain - just as Simon's desires were. As some of you read this and the Scripture, you might think, how did she get that out of Simon wanting the gifts of the Holy Spirit? I can not explain it, except that the Holy Spirit spoke to me about the spiritual place that I am in and HE showed me exactly where I am wrong and that it was good that I was angry, yet did not sin. Not to trump my own horn in any way, but had I expressed my anger last night to my husband it would have been sin, whether I thought I was "right" or not, or that what I wanted was justified for whatever reason I thought it was.
I know my emotions can toss me back and forth and can not be trusted. My thought life is often wrong, and what I believe is often incorrect, so I have to continually compare my thoughts to what the Scripture says. Even going to those whom I know are more mature in their walk and saying this is what I "think" and needing them to guide me at times.
James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
I love what Chuck Swindoll says -The urgent will crowd out the important. These are not the same.... the urgent is tyrannical - the important is quiet, always deep, never popular - not at all the same.
Friends, this may or not make sense to you - but it is what is on my heart today and I find I can ramble at times! My next post will be paper crafting! Have a blessed day!